Look, I love Coke. I used to cram my dorm room mini-fridge with the 12-packs, and hoarded those precious, precious buy-one-get-one-free coupons like Smaug hoarded gold. I mean, me ‘n Coca-Cola go way, way back.

But I haven’t been drinking as much of it lately. Because…calories. And high-fructose corn syrup. And beer. Look, you live in the same town as Cobra Brewing and try not to enjoy that deliciousness, ok?

Turns out, I’m not alone in cutting back on the soda. In the U.S., consumption is down for the tenth straight year, with more folks drinking water, even sugary water-type beverages, than diet pop.

But hey! No worries! Sure, we’ve all been told both diet and exercise contribute to health and well-being, but there are some researchers out there saying that what you eat and drink really isn’t that big a deal!  

And Coke is bankrolling their research.

Y’all, this irritates me like a popcorn shell between the molars. First of all, it’s never cool when someone contributes to the distrust of the scientific method. That’s how you get Vaccine Deniers and Flat Earth enthusiasts.

But it also makes legit research or even just awesome content from brands look less trustworthy. Which makes it harder to be an ethical marketer. Which sucks nards.

Those of us in marketing who try to do the right thing, who try to tell compelling stories with honesty as our compass, have to deal with the blowback from ham-fisted stuff like this. And I am mightily annoyed.

This is the very definition of creepy.